Rohit has joined CoEvolve last month full time. He brings in a wisdom that deeply resonates with CoEvolve and yet complements my energy. With this post we also start to post here writing of others in the ecology who resonate with this vision.
Loving Confrontation- Rohit S.
These are 2 words that aren’t used together very often. They are considered exclusive and maybe could never fit in the same frame together.. Most of my life I have heard, seen and in fact also lived this belief that one can never confront someone with love. And yet in all the personal observations and experiences I have had, harsh confrontation has never been able to do what saying something straight to someone while caring for them can do.. They are leagues apart.
Some questions which enabled me to shift my views and style of confrontation are..Can it not be done gently?? Can it be done in a way such that the other person and his feelings are taken into consideration?? Can it be done such that its straight and caring at the same time??.
Ever since then I have practised, cultivated different ways of confronting people while holding the same essence of the things I want to communicate. Confronting is actually a form of love where u care enough to tell the other person their flaws or shortcomings they can improve on.. Growing up my mum used to always say that “ The ones who point out your flaws are your true friends cause they care enough to tell you the way it is” That has stayed with me.. Because honestly, when you think about it, nobody really wants to screw up. They just need to be told where they could do better in a way that enables them to see that without fear and gives them space to inculcate it in their lives. One of my mentors always said this and I think it would be the right way to finish this post “We are all doing the best we can, some gentle nudges here and there could indeed help us do better, but they need to be nudges not train wrecks!”
I came across a book many years back, ‘Caring enough to confront’ and this is the spirit of that book. The author coined a beautiful word- Carefrontation. In more everyday lingo, this is the skill of Assertiveness- being honest, direct and caring. Fr. John Powell said something like- ‘The genius of communication is the ability to be totally honest and completely kind at the same time.’ Not submissive out of fear, not aggressive out of anger (hidden fear) but carefront out of love 😉