7 Mirrors in Relationships

Relationships are the mirrors in which you discover yourself’ – J. Krishnamurti

I was conducting the ‘Tao of Facilitation’ with Anuradha Ramesh of Pink Mist Retreat, (a wonderful friend and a great facilitator and healer) last month (Feb 2012) and towards the end she shared the 7 mirrors in relationships which spoke so deeply to me- I had seen all of these and continue to see some.

1. Reflection of the Moment: Here-Now (Root chakra, Muladahara- Creativity, Sexuality, the Child)
This mirror presents itself when we are with children who demand total and complete attention. When you answer mechanically, they will not accept. They are very sensitive to your distraction.

2. Reflection of Judgment : (Swadishtana Chakra, Sacral plexus)
This mirror surfaces in most intimate relationships and invites us to be non-judgmental

3. Reflection of Loss : Unprocessed fear (Solar Plexus)
This results in us moving from one thing to another, not wanting to stay with one thing. We distract ourselves from the pain. Creates a cycle of consecutive losses which are not processed. We move too quickly and don’t stay with our feelings. This is the result of a fear of losing connection. And hence closures don’t happen.

4. Reflection of Lost Love: (Anahata, Heart chakra)
This is an invitation to reclaim the original pure form of self-love. It is like nursing a broken heart.

5. Reflection of the Creator: (Vishuddhi, Throat Chakra)
This happens when one is forced to make a choice between a very dear one and the creator! Life invites us to make a choice between our relationship with a parent (mother/ father), spouse, child and our Creator. Metaphorically, its like – are you willing to ‘kill’ your earthly mother and father to meet your real mother and father? So that the spirit in me is kept alive! This makes us look at the conviction we have in our relationship with ourself.

6. The dark night of the soul (Agnya, 3rd eye)
Most of our experiences are partially processed and put into a bag. You can’t name this grief, this extreme pain surfaces when you are ‘ready’. Some intimate relationship comes into our life which will drive us into depression, deep psychological disturbance. You won’t even be able to identify or label what specifically is not okay in yourself. There is utter isolation.

7. Reflection of Compassion (Crown Chakra, Sahasrara)
This is a profound kind of compassion that is being asked of us in which we need to invoke a strength in us which allows a dear one to suffer. Not interfering, helping, rescuing. We see that the loved one needs suffering for his/her awakening. Can you see the rightness of the pain. Consoling and pacifying belittles the intensity and makes the suffering cheap.

My experiences with the mirrors:

It seems the dark night of the soul is over and has left in its wake a deep appreciation of life. The reflection of the moment is so true whenever I am with my darling angel, Sufii who will be 9 this June (2012).

The reflection of loss is the mirror I am acutely in touch with now. And slowly and surely allowing the pain. I don’t think there is any ‘doing’ here. It is happening and I am grateful. From many directions, life is blessing me with pain.. so that I can wake up! The reflection of compassion is what I had written another blog about- ‘A love that doesn’t invade or avoid suffering’.

The Creator mirror also I feel has come a few times. And continues to surface now and then.

Would be nice to hear from any of you who read this if it speaks to you and what mirrors you have encountered/ are encountering!

7 thoughts on “7 Mirrors in Relationships

  1. I remember being awestruck when I heard Anuradha sharing this, because I have experienced some of them too.. It just cleared so many questions I had!!
    Though some continue to bless me with their presence!! 🙂
    Most of them have been with respect to my father – esp. Reflection of the moment (where the person demands complete and total attention, reminding u to be present & selfless)… Reflection of the creator – has been the relationship between my career and parents…Reflection of loss and lost love are what are still with me, I guess…. Reflection of the dark night of the soul – define my life until a 2 yrs ago!! 🙂
    And the Reflection of Compassion – has been with respect to Vin ( to let him make his mistakes and learn) and my parents too!!

  2. I believe it is not mere a coincidence that I got your blog to read today.
    I needed someone/something that could heal me. At least show a way.
    And this post just Touched me deeply. It speaks to me. And as soon as I looked at it, I struck at – Reflection of Lost Love. Happening wd me at present. So much so that words felt like they are written for me only.
    About Reflection of Loss – I feel , perhaps it happens with me and only now I came to know about it.
    Again, The dark night of the soul – seems to be happening wd me at present.

    I dunno. What is it all about. But I can say, the words are experiences written down there. Thank you so much. Just few seconds ago, I had perhaps lost patience to see my pain as a learning and ‘go’ in a right path but after reading two of your posts, I feel the courage again. 🙂 Thanks once again.

  3. Thanks Somyaa for sharing from the heart.
    Yes, life is so incredible. I have also been churning in a relationship and I randomly opened one of my favorite books, ‘Passionate Presence’ by Catherine Ingram and no wonder the page that opened was about ‘awakened relationship’ and opened with the quote:
    “Oneness and otherness. It is impossible to speak or think without embracing both.’ – Ralph Waldo Emerson
    And then she also mentions a line from Mikhail Naimy, friend of Kahlil Gibran:
    “The love that singles out a fraction of the whole foredooms itself to grief”

    She begins by saying:
    ‘A powerful myth in our culture tells us that happiness lies in romantic love’ …and then..
    Relationship born of awakened awareness is not born of pain, dependency, or fear of loneliness; it is born of celebration. In awakened awareness it is understood that we are each, though unique expressions of one source, totally alone. It is the paradox of existence: no two alike, yet no two at all. What we have formerly sensed as an emptiness begging to be filled, we now experience as openness welcoming whatever comes. Our relationships are then primarily imbued with appreciation. We feel like two streams merging in and out of each other. Sometimes the streams intermingle; sometimes they part and stream in different directions. Neither stream needs the others existence to be a stream in itself, yet when the streams come together, there is a happy surge of bubbles that may last a moment or a lifetime.

    Thanks Catherine! Thanks Somyaa. Thanks Dola! Thanks life!

    1. The words of Catherine Ingram are very enlightening n can be understood in the light experience. With me, I will tell you, it happened many times. But I see now it was “emptiness begging to be filled” and from last few months I am sensing a change in me which is largely due to the fact that I may have to accept “someone” who will come along my way through “Arrange marriage”. I am consciously preparing myself (I wonder if it is a right approach) but on the other hand, I feel I am struck somewhere in Past or may be in Imaginary Past. Things are complicated but yet who has an eye can perceive beauty in them.

      Somehow I have come to believe that True Happiness can be felt amidst the moments of deep sorrows. At times I feel a need, an urge to listen to the sad music at the heart of Nature.There is so much n so much into my mind that words ditch me most of the times.

      I hardly like to read non-fiction on such things. My whole being had been deeply affected by Fictions that I read during my graduation n Post graduation. But your posts which pleasingly include quotes n references, are effective n seem to speak to me. And yes Life is incredible ! 🙂
      Thank you for sharing the extract, it is really Soul-Touching !!

  4. Kiran ! Beautiful post and kindles a lot of raw nerves. To me personally a mirror is something which is always used by people to correct and rearrange the imaginary shades of not so beautiful spots in ones appearance ! Has anyone really tried to see the most beautiful aspects of oneself in the mirror . If my experience is the mirror of all other experiences I would say very rarely.

    Same thing happens in any relationship. While the relationship with others is important ,to be honest to any individual no other is there and whatever is there is just an extension of that consciousness in ones own self ! If letting go of something is good to gain something else then it happens that way ! While it is too easy to philosophise every loss and say that every loss is a gain , deep in one’s heart there is that small child which still cries unable to bear that loss and while it is good to come to terms with that it is also equally important to empathise with that beautiful soul inside and share the grief !

    With regard to the seven chakras , it is more to do with the western phylospher’s terms on chakras while according to Yoga and Tantra it is slightly different and every centre has both the energies for the same subject ( For example if Swadhishtana is the centre of unprocessed fear it is also the centre for both unprocessed and ready to be processed strength ).

    I also feel that while it is good to understand various angles of relationship and how relations slip , life would be more beautiful if it is just lived with total unconditional surrender to the flow ,rather than certain attempts to decipher the codes which don’t really exist.

    May be these are just my own personal views and just thought can share with you !

  5. Oh my my my! I just did a journey with Dr.Newton on this last weekend as I ‘stumbled’ onto this a few weeks back thanks to our mutual friend, Shilpa Kanungo. Since we are given a 40-day homework by Dr.Newton I was wondering how do I go about it – now I know – shall blog about this soon. 🙂
    In love and delight,
    Deepti G Gujar

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