Sell your Cleverness. Buy bewilderment. -Rumi

I would say, Relax your Certainty. Gently, invite wonder.

An openness to learn is the most vital human ability, my teachers, Gay & Katie Hendricks told me in 2000. And it has been my experience in working with thousands of people, leaders, coaches and facilitators over the last 27 years (Since 1996) in the field of human learning, transformation and spirituality.

I discovered that the deepest gift (hidden in pain) I have and bring through my life, work, relationships, my lifework, my heartsong – is an an openness to learn together as a friend. A vulnerability. A radical honesty. Sensitivity. Simplicity.

How would the world, our lives look like if, in all our relationships

– Parent-Child, Husband-Wife, Lover-Beloved, Leader-team-member, Teacher-Student, even, God-human-

we could bring a spirit of friendship, a willingness to learn & inspire learning.

A humility, an innocence, a childlike wonder.

For 20+ years – from 2000 to Oct. 2021, I used to offer The Tao of facilitation & other Tao workshops. I guess I was able to enter into many spaces with very gifted teachers, thought leaders, masters, gurus – and often inspire learning perhaps because I am always trying to learn. Paradoxically, ironically, I have had what is often labelled as a learning disability (and atypical advantage!), a neuro-divergent mind-body-heart- with ADHD & being on the LGBT spectrum.

I had some simple and deep clarities recently.

• Certainty often masquerading as Truth limits me and us. It’s a comfort zone. Hiding some belief. Underneath is an uncertainty or a certain hesitation to encounter something fresh, unknown.
• Certainty, lightly held, is Clarity, the truer Certainty – open to and even, welcoming the Unknown. Willing to discover uncharted waters and depths.
• Confusion and other emotions like anger, fear, sadness, happiness etc. are part of the territory to navigate.
• Curiosity,  a willingness to experiment beyond the certainty – is the vehicle, the tool that opens up unknown worlds, universes.

Let me share an example.

I have had multiple heart-breaks. I was born on 13^th Feb, one day short of Valentine’s day. In some ways that’s the story of my life, I often share –  half jokingly but also truthfully. Many missed buses. I have often been certain in the middle of a heart-break, how the other, a dear one could have been more understanding. There was pain. And in the midst of that when I bring in wonder, a curiosity, unknown layers, perspectives open up- enabling empathy, self-acceptance and a certain “I don’t really ever fully know!” (not a I don’t know which brings up emotion, but one which opens new doors and windows.

 Clarity exists at multiple levels..  it seems to me

1. Mind/ Intellectually – if held tightly, doesn’t allow a deeper layers of Clarity to open up.
2. A deeper layer is a Clarity at the level of the Heart/ Emotion opens when the mind perspective is held lightly.
3. And then, there is a Clarity at the level of the Gut – the gut feeling, intuition- this seems like the deepest clarity. However, when 2 people have a different intuition about the same thing – what can be explored is, Can there be a shared intuition– in which there is an alignment.
4. For me there is then the Unknown field of possibility- deepest clarity arises from here. As I stay open to what is beyond.

Certainty (Rigidity) often creates Conflict & Suffering- inside and outside. Holding tightly to a perspective, a viewing point. Sitting on the point and missing the view.

Certainty also perpetuates illusion even when there is seemingly no suffering.

Certainty, held lightly, is Clarity– open to being challenged.

True Clarity is not afraid of Confusion, of being questioned. Out of that challenge, a deeper clarity arises. Which then sees the earlier clarity as a subset.

I was once coaching a friend who was participating in a workshop on Values. He takes pride in having Clarity –  and he does have a lot of clarity in many/ most areas in life.

I asked him a question,

“Is it ok to be confused?” – and he was stumped. Long pause and his body language spoke in a way that was clear that he was not ok Confusion. And that opened a doorway for a more profound clarity that true and deep clarity welcomes everything – especially Confusion as an opportunity to explore, experiment and perhaps discover something that was not seen until then.

The most difficult thing for a human is to say, “I don’t know.”

I have often had people give me wrong directions (in the pre-google Maps days) rather than say, Hey, nahin maloom (I don’t know). Because it makes us feel vulnerable. False strength seems more comforting than true vulnerability.

In our current understanding of Life, a very large part of human suffering and pain (perhaps All of it) is born from our Certainties- both obvious and hidden. The hidden beliefs, living as truths.

Openness can also create suffering. So it’s a double bind.

Simply put, there is an unwillingness or inability to learn, to simply be willing to say authentically, “I don’t know.”

Pain/ Suffering in all domains- Relational, Emotional, Psychological, Financial/ Material, Physical, Social, Religious, Energetic, Spiritual, even, Existential is the result of some Certainty. A belief or a family of beliefs. The deepest trap being Spiritual beliefs and Spiritual truths- when explored many reveal are also beliefs. Born from Mind.

For the longest time (56 years) I went through considerable pain and suffering- also because I was willing to be honest about it. And I understand the pain that makes us go numb and spiritually or psychologically bypass the truth. Human life is suffering- like the Buddha said.

Mostly humans are confused and confusion is comfortable. It was for me, for decades. And often partial clarity is taken to be certainty. And by and large, as a species, in my experience we are not willing to learn at the deepest level.

The Invitation of this blog post is simple and yet profound- difficult:

Are you willing to be honest about your certainties and confusions.

Are you willing to honestly examine the truth of your struggles and suffering – be vulnerable– without spiritually bypassing- emotional, physical, financial, psychological, relationships, existential. And of course, its totally fine if you find it difficult. I also did and sometimes still do.

We are human. This being human – our human-ness – is a human-mess very often. And few will admit it. We will positivise, negativise, traumatise, even Spiritualise- but rarely be real- Real-ise. Real-eyes are difficult to encounter. Because Truth sets us free but whats truer is that “Truth upsets us free” – Swami Beyondananda